Piojos

It's 4:30 AM on a Saturday morning and I'm sleeping in a top bunk with a girl on each side of me, arms wrapped around me like they're afraid I'm going to try to escape in the night (of course sharing a bed with these two also gave me a nice case of lice, my first case EVER, which is surprising since I'm living in an orphanage where the kids sit and pick out each other's lice for an hour every Saturday morning and then proceed to use their combs to fix my hair afterwards). I awaken to shouts of, "They escaped! They escaped!" only to learn that 3 girls from the other side of the house that I'm sleeping in somehow managed to open a door and run away around 3 AM. Luckily they were found in town a few hours later and returned to safety within the orphanage. 

Tammy, one of the staff members here, says that the "running away syndrome" comes in waves. One or two kids run away and before you know it, there's someone trying it every other day. They secretly pack their bags and run to what they consider "freedom," without knowing that the freedom they're running to so eagerly is a family that can't feed them, begging for food, sleeping on the streets, selling their bodies for about $2 a night, or other nightmares. 

I have been struggling a lot with the number of kids that have run away (or left) in the last month. I returned from Guatemala to learn that Esperanza, one of my favorite older girls in the Toddler House had left with her older sister for Tegucigalpa. They were both over 18 so they could legally walk into the office, get their papers, and leave. Then a group of 4 older girls that I really liked hanging out with left shortly after that. And since then it really has been like a wave. I've even been recruited to help watch some of the girls in the mornings so that they don't make a run for it. One mother who had 5 kids here, 2 of whom ran away (1 made it home, the other hasn't been found), came and collected her other 2 daughters and took them home, supposedly because she doesn't want them trying to run away. One of her daughters, Azucena, is only 12 and told her mother that she didn't want to leave. Tammy said she had more potential than 20 other kids here, combined. She's smart and beautiful. She wanted to stay and continue to study. Now, however, she's living in Tegucigalpa, one of the most dangerous cities in Central America, with a mother that leaves her alone every night, taking her sisters to sell things in the streets. 

With all of this running away, you would think that I'm in a horrible, ugly place, not one of the most beautiful places (that I've seen at least) in Honduras; a place full of hope, opportunity, food, and most importantly, God's love. But as it is in most cases, the grass is always greener on the other side, especially when you're a child and there are rules and discipline where you used to have none.

I have developed such close relationships with some of the kids here and I just want the best possible things for them so it hurts me to see some of them trying to run away or talking about leaving when I know that they know nothing of the outside world and the hardships it holds. I try to tell them how difficult it is to work and get food outside and how many more opportunities they have in Emmanuel, but it doesn't seem to help. I know that God is watching over them and protecting them, even when I (or the others here) aren't there to do it for them, but it's so hard for me to accept that I can't do everything for them and I can't fix all of their problems. Most of the kids here have experienced so much more hurt in their few years of life than I have in my almost 23 years and I just want to be able to take all of their hurt and pain away. That is one of the miracles that I have witnessed here, though; being able to see God's hand in their lives; to see how a child can come from an awful, abusive situation and be totally transformed into a child again, with God's love.

Despite the difficulties, I thank God everyday for bringing me here to this incredible place, full of hope, joy, and His love and just ask that He continue to bless this place and the people here.

So This is Love

Yesterday, I went to the Valle de Angeles (Valley of Angels), which is a little bit outside of Tegucigalpa with about 7 other volunteers to check out the famous handmade crafts and really cheap (but good quality) leather. We spent the day shopping, eating pupusas (a thick kinda flat bread that looks like a pancake, but is made from corn flour, with fried pork rind, cheese, or beans inside... delicious!), checking out the hammock selection (they were way better and cheaper in Guatemala), and just being tourists. It was a lovely day... until we went to catch the bus back to Guaimaca and it was an hour late, which put us on a bus in 3rd world country in the dark... I actually don't think it was very dangerous since the bus was so jammed full of people that if anyone had tried to rob someone and get away, it would have taken a good 5 minutes to get off of the bus. The funny thing about this experience was that the bus had American pop songs jamming the whole way like "Get Low" and others. I had to bust a few baby dances moves ;)

Time has been flying by! I have been in Honduras for almost 4 months and have a little over a month left. For the month of April I went to Guatemala with my friend Katie to study Spanish... and have some fun! It was so wonderful! We were in Antigua for Holy Week, which was super cool and crazy because they have these insane processions with statues of Jesus and Mary in scenes from Holy Week that weigh several tons and are carried by several hundred people, wearing costumes, that take turns carrying them. They're accompanied by marching bands and continue all through the night. It's crazy! But way fun at the same time! People come in from hours away just to see and participate in the processions, especially on Good Friday. They also make these carpets on the roads out of colored sawdust. Some of them are incredibly intricate and take hours to make and then are destroyed as the processions walk over them. I actually got to help make one!

After that, we went to a little town on Lake Atitlan called San Pedro La Laguna. It was so incredibly beautiful! There are lots of little towns on this huge lake, surrounded by mountains and volcanos. The local women (and a few old men) in San Pedro wear traditional clothing that is so beautiful (I got to dress up in it one day and it was super fun!) and colorful! We lived with a local family that had 3 daughters and were so great! We got to be great friends. There was a surprisingly large hippie population there, which just made it that much more cool because you know my love for hippies ;) Our school was beautiful, set by the lake with trees and little thatched huts to study under. Everyday I had 4 hours of one-on-one class with a young Guatemalan women. I learned a ton of Spanish and about her culture too! 

One of the best things about the trip, though, was the freedom... San Pedro was a very safe town so we could go out at night to watch movies in the little local bars, listen to music, go salsa dancing, go to the solar-heated hot pools (which were super hot!), or just go for a walk. At Emmanuel, we have to be back inside the gates by dark and preferably by 4 PM. I know it's for our own safety, but sometimes I miss being able to do things at night.

Now I'm finally back at Emmanuel, my home for the past 4 months. I can't begin to describe the feeling of coming home. I missed my kids here so much! A few months ago, one of the girls asked me if I was a mama (they actually ask me this all the time and I wonder where they think my kids are if I did have some...) and I told her no, but she said, "Yes, you are; you're our mama." That has really stuck with me. It has made me realize (even more than I already did) how blessed I am to have such an incredible family. It's also made me realize the wonderful opportunity that God has given me to just love on these kids. I think that I fall more in love with them every day. 

There's a little 2 year-old girl in the toddler house named Martha (or Martita) and she is absolutely precious. She's a little clumsy (they call her "Bola," which means drunk because she's always falling) and she likes to call me "Mama." Whenever I go to see her, she starts laughing and running towards me with her arms out. When I came back she was so happy to see me (along with all of the other little toddlers because they're some of my favorites so I go play there a lot) and it just made me realize how much I love these kids. 

Along with this love for the kids, I'm also seeing more and more of God's love each day. He has already taught me so much and is continuing to do so and even though we work very hard here and pour out so much of ourselves, He is constantly filling us up so that we are never empty :)